There are only two times a man doesn’t understand a woman- before marriage and after marriage!

Adam and Eve had the easiest marriage in history. He never had to hear about all the men she could have married, and she never had to hear about how great his mother’s cooking was.

“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” -Henny Youngman

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” H.V. Prochnow

One man once said to another man, “My wife thinks I put football before marriage… even though we just celebrated our third season together!”

When a man opens a car door for his wife, you know it is either one of two things- either the car is new or the wife is.

It takes a smart spouse to have the last word and not use it.

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” -Michael de Montaigne

Some husbands are living proof that their wife can take a joke.

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.” -Annie Bancroft

“A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expenisive questions your wife asks for nothing.” - Joey Adams

Many husbands go broke on the money their wives spend on sales.

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”- Dr Joyce Brothers

I married Miss Right; I just never knew her first name was always.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”

“By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy: if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” -Socretes